Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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