I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
