Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
