Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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