He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
