Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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