Christians are straight up FREAKS
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
