I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
