Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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