There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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