Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
