the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
