for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
