We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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