): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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