have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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