no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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