Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
