I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
