Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I smell stomach acid.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
