made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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