Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
