Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
