when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
