This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
