why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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