things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
