ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
