either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
