I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
