I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Randomize
