my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
