So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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