Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
