oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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