babies were throwing up all over the place
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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