I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
