fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
