I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
