just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
