do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize