Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
