Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
