Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
