Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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