My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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