You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
