Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
