i don't like sucking hair
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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