Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
