i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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