I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
